Seriously??

What a weekend/week.  Spent Friday/Saturday in the ER with Noah.  About 10:30 Friday night he started crying and grabbing "himself" so we check it out and his tenders were all red so I put diaper rash cream on him.  About an hour later he started screaming, so I looked again and his junk was SWOLLEN.  Great.  So called peds after hours...of course they were already closed but suggested I go to the ER.  Get there at 12am, place was packed.  Finally got to triage and the nurse and Dr both agreed they thought it was a hernia and that I should stay to have it checked out.  That was about 1am.  Finally got called into the actual ER at 4am.  They did ultrasound and catheter to check urine, both were negative.  So they said "I don't know, at least it's not twisted".  Oh great, thanks for all the answers!  We got home at 8am.  He was fine Saturday, just screamed every time he peed.  Sunday he woke up with a fever of 102.  Had a fever all day Sunday and Monday.  I made a drs appt for Tuesday am but he didn't have a fever Monday night or Tuesday am so I cancelled.

MICAH!  He was fine until yesterday (Tuesday) around 1pm, he started freaking out, screaming, hardly breathing.  I could not calm him down, after about 30 minutes I was starting to get worried.  I had Steve called out of a meeting, he came home and grabbed him and took him back to the church with him (we live literally 30 seconds away).  There was a pediatrician there at the time.  So she checked him out, they all prayed for him (he puked all over them).  Finally came to the conclusion that he must be constipated.  He finally calmed down about 2:30 and went to sleep.  Woke up at 4pm freaking out, pooped a little.  Then HE spikes a fever of 101.5.  He finally pooped a regular poop that night but was still burning up.  So I took him to the Dr. this am and the result....teething.  Seriously?  Really?  I just paid you $70 for teething?  He is getting three top teeth all the same time. 

Anyway, I'm glad nothing is wrong with either of them but still...teething?  So we are all a lot sleep deprived and a little cranky but my kids are healthy and I'm thankful. 

So, we learned a lot of life lessons in the ER on Friday night though...

1. If you have an elderly mother, grandmother, relative-please do not take them to the ER and then leave.  So wrong.  Apparently, her "platassium" was low.  That was what we gathered from her talking on the phone.  She got 2 phone calls while we there, by the way from the hospital phone. 

2.  If you get a phone call on the hospital phone, it is a little tacky to ask "can't you just transfer it over here?" If you have ever been in the UF ER waiting room, it's not big.  Get up and go to the other side of the room.  Come on.

3.  Don't yell at the waiting room lady who has some control over what order you get back to the ER.  This lady was there when we got there, started yelling at the waiting room lady around 2am about how mean she was and actually tried to fight her.  She was still in the waiting room at 7:45 when we left...oops.

4.  Ladies...IF you go to a club, please please do NOT leave your drink unattended.  When you come back there is a good chance that a roofie will be in there.  You shouldn't be in a club anyway, but please have some common sense about it.  If in fact there in something in your drink, don't go to the ER and embarrass yourself, just go home and sleep it off.

          4a.  Club clothes are really not appropriate for anywhere other than the club, always bring a t-shirt or something just in case.  GUYS...if a girl has a shirt on the size of a sock, you might not need that roofie.

5.  If you bring your baby to the ER, at least pretend like there is something wrong with them.  If the baby never cries, fusses and you are throwing it up in the air playing you most likely will get bumped by someone else (me). 

6.  Not everyone in the ER wants to find out who can be the loudest.  For real, we don't want to be there and we really don't want to hear all about your unhappiness with the ER.  If you "should have gone to the VA, it only takes 2 hours"...go your butt over to the VA.

FUN TIMES!!   

Zoe's version of "The Lord's Army"

This is Zoe's version...

I may never march in the injury

ride in the allery

shoot the illery

I may never zoo....yes sir ree

I'm in the Lord's army

YES SIR!

Too funny.

So I started our new schedule today.  The day feels extra long BUT everyone is asleep right now.  Zoe hasn't taken a nap in about 3 months...this is heavenly.

Although I am busier than normal with this schedule I feel a peace here that wasn't here before.  Knowing what is next and that I have a plan makes it easier and I think the kids definitely are picking up on that. 

I tried to do a little bit of school with Zoe today and it was a little rough!  She said "I know!" about a million times.  Um, you don't know!  It went like this...

me: ok, what sound does this letter make

zoe: t

me: no, that is the name of the letter, what sound does it make

zoe: I KNOW!

me: what is it then?

zoe: t

me: ok, no that is the name of the letter, what sound does it make?

zoe: I KNOW!

me: *getting a little flustered* what SOUND does it make?

zoe: t (and actually did the sound that time)

me: GREAT!  Good job!

zoe: i know

So that was fun...any suggestions from anyone who homeschools?

I'm working on getting our schedule together today.  I am also working on getting a menu for lunch and dinner planned out.  Any suggestions for meals that are pretty cheap and easy but aren't casseroles are welcome! 

Haven't actually succeeded on getting up at my goal time in the morning yet, but getting closer.  It's hard when you have 3 that ALL get up at different times of the night.  Hopefully that will get better soon.

Trying to not be discouraged and overwhelmed...calling on Jesus for that.

Been awhile...

I do not have a wonderful memory so I am realizing that I am experiencing yet forgetting so much with my kids that I should start this back up for reference (and for venting).  Here goes...

Zoe-is now 4 (and 1/2, don't forget that part!).  She is ummmm, very vocal!  I am having a hard time with her being a little bit of a smart mouth lately.  Not only with what she says but how she says it.  I am becoming aware that this is mostly my/our fault.  We can be a teensy bit sarcastic at times.  So I can see how she would pick it up.  She is TALL!  At her four year appt, Dr. S guessed she would be around 5'10 as an adult (that's 3 inches taller than me!).  She is also not a terribly skinny child and while I do NOT want to give her a complex I am getting a little concerned about it.  I need to get her more active but when I take them outside, they swing for about 30 seconds and then sit in the dirt and dig holes.  Which is not only not active but a lot of mess for me to clean up.  She has boycotted any and all naps.  She is smart though.  She knows all her letters and sounds and counts pretty well.  She can write her name and most of the letters.  I am planning to start homeschooling her in August for Kindergarten, if we did public school she wouldn't be able to start until next August since her birthday isn't until November.  She is still my night owl who hates to sleep alone.

Noah turned 2 in January.  That kid is my joy.  He is so funny and so cute!  I think I would even say that if he wasn't mine.  He is talking so much!  He LOVES animals (like that character from Looney Tunes).  He also loves trucks and cars.  He loves music and singing.  He is pretty scared of bugs though.  He is stubborn (like every other human) but he is sweet.  He is very much in awe of his sissy "Doe".  He still isn't sure if he wants to keep Micah around though.  I think he is beginning to realize that Micah is very quickly moving in on his territory.  I guess he will get over it!

Micah is 8 months!  I can't believe it!  He got his first tooth and started crawling at 6 months.  He now has 3 teeth and is starting to pull up on stuff and stand.  This child keeps me moving.  He is so busy.  He has definitely been my most "difficult" baby but is starting to get a little easier.  He has a temper though!  He is babbling but not saying anything yet of course.  He changes every week.

Steve is still loving his job.  The changes I have seen in him in the past two years have been amazing!  He is a great dad, great husband and an awesome leader at church.  I am so proud of him. 

ME!  So my life has completely been turned upside down.  I knew that it would be an adjustment going from work to home but I never imagined it being as hard as it has/is.  I have never not had to get up every morning and go to work.  Ok, before I get into all this let me say...I would NOT change it or go back for anything.  Now that I have made that disclaimer I will admit that I wake up most mornings and think "what did I do?!"  I love my kids and I love that fact that I am raising my kids rather than paying someone else(s) to do it but it's hard!!!  There are so many ways that I can and do mess up everyday.  It's is seriously scary.  I have to be honest and say that I have really had a very hard time adjusting.  Still am having a hard time.  I have learned so much about myself that isn't good!  I am undisciplined, lazy and selfish (and that's just naming a few).  I have always had a good reputation as being a hard worker, very organized and had great time management skills at every job I have had.  So I thought that coming home I would just transfer all of those skills and have no problem.  If I were to be evaluated at this point, I fear that my former employers would be very disappointed in me.  I am very disappointed in me.  I am afraid that my husband is very disappointed in me, even though he hasn't said that.  So we had a very very very long heart to heart last night with me trying to blame everyone but me for my failures and him just mostly sitting there listening either not knowing what to say or just waiting for me to finish.  I finally realized that even though we are a team and he runs the show as far as big decisions are concerned for our family, I am actually responsible for what happens here in the daytime (imagine that!).  I have been so confused as to why I can't get my crap together.  I think it is because at every job I have had, there is a protocol, a schedule and a list of things that have to be accomplished and a productivity standard that has to be met.  Here there is no protocol, no schedule and a list of things that needs to be done so long that I have tried to write it all down but usually end up crying and give up.  There are no spreadsheets, no productivity logs and worst of all no time clock.  There is no start and no end.  Just one big circle of time and days that bleed into each other.  No lunch breaks, no weekends.  There isn't even a coke machine!  There is no handbook and no supervisor to call if I have a problem.  Even when Steve is home, they still look to me for everything they need.  It's just me and three little lives that I am responsible for teaching, molding, keeping safe, fed, clean and growing.  I am so scared and so overwhelmed at the job that is in front of me, I don't even know where to start.  

The one thing that I am certain of is that I KNOW that this is what God is calling me to do right now and for a long time.  I just don't really know how to accomplish it.  I have gathered that I need a daily schedule and that as much as I hate getting up early, I have to get up at least an hour before them and start going to bed before 2am.  As far as what to do with the schedule.  I know I need to clean the house, clean the children, play with the children and eventually teach them but in what order and to what capacity...?????  There are so many questions and so few answers because what works for one family is so different than another.  I also have the challenge of having 3 kids under 5 that are constantly changing and growing and requiring different levels of attention and supervision.  Micah is changing and doing something new every week now, so what worked last week won't work next week and didn't work the week before that.  Also, every change that he goes through affects the other two and then causes changes in them!! 

I seriously repent for EVER thinking that being a stay at home mom was easier than juggling a full time job, a couple kids and a marriage.  I thought I was superwoman then.  Most of the time now, I barely feel qualified to have kids.